Sevco the wonder horse

I detected the unmistakable whiff of chagrin from the stenographer classes yesterday when Celtic announced that they will take part in the International Champions Cup this summer.

The hacks really shouldn’t be too pissed off as they will have their place in the AVIVA press box in Dublin to watch Celtic take on Barcelona.

Not too shabby.

However, Celtic being invited to what is undoubtedly a glamour tournament does not fit in with the ‘Old Firm’ narrative.

The stenographers were at one with Mr David Cunningham King when he stated that for him the ideal situation would be a 55/45 share of the spoils in Scottish football.

Sevco would take the lion’s share of the silverware, but Celtic would just have enough success to keep the thing interesting.

This was, even for Mr King, breathtakingly presumptuous.

In one glib and shameless line, he dismissed the likes of Aberdeen and Hearts.

Firstly both these clubs have proud, unbroken histories.

The latter recently emerged from administration and preserved their timeline as a football club.

Consequently, there is no need for anyone in the maroon corner to mouth mangled garbage about “Holding Company Vehicles“ or “Engine Room Subsidiaries”.

Next month Celtic will take on Sevco in the Scottish Cup at Hampden.

This is the first time that the two clubs have met in this competition.

However, the stenographers will gush about the “Old Firm reunited in cup clash” and other such pish.

When Rangers (1872) were heading for oblivion five years ago, your humble correspondent was clattering away here in Donegal busily letting you know what was coming down the Light Blue pipe.

At the same time, the stenographers proved that they were adept at stealth journalism.

When it mattered, they could not be located on any radar screen as the original Ibrox club tumbled into oblivion.

Now the same comprised shills will tell their dwindling readership that ‘Rangers are back’.

In attempting to resurrect a dead duopoly, they’re showing that they’re not at the races.

The Dave King aspiration for a 55/45 spilt of the top prize showed that he believed in the two horse race.

I would wager that there wasn’t a single hack in the room that didn’t agree with him.

The only problem for this extravaganza is that in the ‘Old Firm’ two horse race one of the horses died.

No one told the owner of Rangers in 1999 that the side effects of performance enhancing drugs could include sudden death.

The financial doping over the first decade of the millennium killed Rangers.

The race organisers at Hampden should have known all about this doping scandal as their top guy was in the room when the scam was first embarked upon.

Even in the final year of their life, the world-class administrators could have called time on this fixed race by informing the chaps in Europe that Rangers should not have been allowed into the Champions League steeplechase.

Of course, other stables had every right to complain about that this convenient lack of oversight.

Their failure to do so states to their paying punters that they’re being taken for mugs.

Despite all their friends in high places Rangers did it all to themselves.

Scamming Hector and concealing documents from HMRC inspectors created the conditions where he would knock back a CVA.

That is what killed Rangers.

They self-destructed.

When the horse in the Light Blue colours was put down by Hector in 2012, the Ibrox punters couldn’t believe it.

Up against a thoroughbred stable in the East End with genuine champions like Henrik Larsson had forced Sir David Murray to gamble.He lost.

He lost.

His EBT powered team was much an affront to genuine sport as Lance Armstrong peddling away like Duracell man and leaving honest cyclists in his wake.

Cycling now sees his drug-fuelled victories as tainted and fraudulent.

When doped up Rangers fell over and died in 2012 only the honest were left in the race.

Celtic sauntered across the finishing line and was led around the winner’s enclosure by a proud Irishman from Lurgan.

It was self-evident that The People were inconsolable.

Initially, the media printed the undeniable, but painful truth.


Then Charlie popped up with a panto horse called Sevco, and powerful folk saw some value in pretending it was Rangers.

This met with the approval of The People.

In their grief-stricken state they were only too happy to believe that their club had not just died in front of their eyes.

Having looked the other way as the Rangers story was unfolding the stenographers then threw their lot in with the continuation lie.

Now the hacks tell The People that Sevco the wonder horse is in a stable condition.

Moreover, it isn’t saddled with debt, and their finances aren’t having a ‘mare.

The reality is that this nag is chronically sick, and the owner has a dodgy past.

However, expect the usual award-winning suspects to gush about trainer Warburton Spurring Sevco on to victory.

The inconvenient truth is that Sevco is no more Rangers than the horse owned by Charles of Normandy is actually Ibrox.

Sure, he called it after the dilapidated stadium, but that’s as far as it goes.

The rest of Planet Fitba looks on at this freak show and wonders whether or not to Do Walking Away.

Meanwhile, in the East End of Glasgow ,a man with a heated driveway should really think about contacting UEFA about this shambles before he finds the ground move from under his feet.

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