It will come as no surprise to regular readers that the brethren in the Blue Room have been hoping their ex-manager will provide a financial windfall courtesy of his new employers.
Consequently, I’ve been playing around with this plotline for the Sevco sitcom.
The story starts when the Transcendental Chairman is contacted by Mr Let’s Go in Saudi Arabia.
The ex-Liverpool icon wants to know if he could avail himself of the services of Mr TavPen.
In this episode of the long-running shitshow, he also enquired about the availability of Mr Borna Barišić, who I imagined as peacefully dozing at the back post when the phone call from his agent awoke him!
To spice up the narrative, I imagined that the main man in the Blue Room said that the expert penalty taker could be desert bound for the princely sum of £15m.
Whereas the somnambulating Croat would be let go to Mr Let’s Go for only £5m.
The idea of letting two first-team starters, one of them your captain, just before a Champions League Qualifier is to bring Lawwellball into the Sevco backstory.
Still, it would be a guaranteed £20m without as much as a ball kicked under the auspices of UEFA.
This is true leadership.
As ever, he is an oasis of calm as cruel desert winds blow up the Marble Staircase.
Sadly, I had to keep it real, so the Saudis only saw the pair of them as a job lot for around £5m-£5.5m (£4-£4.5m for the penalty guy and £500k-£1m for the yawning left back).
Despite the haggling over transfer fees, they spared no expense on the wages, with both chaps being offered £5m per annum on three-year deals.
In keeping with an ancient Ibrox tradition, no tax would be paid on these earnings.
Now, does that sound like a fictional plotline that is worthy of further development?
Let me know in the comments.
Discover more from Phil Mac Giolla Bháin
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.
The Saudis spend big to create winning teams. They love their cash too much to spend even a few coppers on poor players. Gerrard, likewise, wishes to keep his job and win games, especially important games, so he will be looking for a better class of player than those mentioned. Looks like a dream for you rather than a nightmare for Gerrard.
They are now stating ( Scottish rags) that Kamara is being chased by 6 clubs with a current value of £5.5 million!!! £500 k maybe. And the second best forward in the land is £3 million!!! Maybe £1 million…if these figures are correct why are they still in so much debt? Sorry I forgot, court cases high wages players leaving for free and every player a ‘star’ even players who haven’t even had a game for the first team…TRAMPS
Undisclosed fee is a wonderful curtain to hide their low sale values behind.
You’re clearly not a Dedicated Follower of Fashion, as its Sakala who’s the subject of a modest £3m bid, according to our clued-in press corps.
It looks like the letter „G“ has fallen off Stephen‘s scarf. Probably from that Castor outfit too.
Yes please Phil
In any other league with balanced match officials, Tavernier would maybe be awarded a handful of penalties per season. He’s picked up one solitary championship medal since 2015. Sevco might be wise to sell him.
There can be a big difference between the price of something/someone, and the value of that object or person. By “someone” or “person”, I specifically mean footballer.
The price is generally negotiable between the buyer and seller, except in an auction situation, where the guy with the fattest wallet usually walks away with the goods.
The value, particularly in the case of a footballer, is often not fully established until after the deal has been struck. You can pay a relatively low price, and end up with a diamond. Larsson, Lubo, thinking back. Jota, Kyogo, Hetate, thinking the present. You can pay a lot of money, and end up with a three-legged donkey, and we’ve had a right few of them as well.
I’m obviously not familiar with all the players who have gone to Saudi, but I will say that the ones I have read about are of a far higher standard than any anyone currently playing out of the Bigotdome. I find the very idea that any team, anywhere, will pay multimillions for ANY, of their “stars”, utterly risible.
Liked the no tax tradition line!
Celtic have won 11 out of the last 12 league titles. Time for three in a row.
£5m for both of them is remarkable business for sevco and cuts the wage bill. They’d be lucky to get a million for them elsewhere. Don’t underestimate the benefits of the wage bill dropping though, could be worth 3-4 million a year to them.
What is it about being an Ibrox Chairman?
King, Park and now Bennett – miserable looking characters,
who never seem to crack a smile. Maybe their workplace is just miserable? 🙂
Anyway, if the sevco captain was to be sold at this late stage,
then it would surely be a HUGE vote of no-confidence in Beale’s
ability to secure CL Group Stage monies?
Bennett might have a tough financial decision to make,
which trumps any football decision,
– and which certainly won’t put a smile on his face – or Beale’s! 😦
What would tav pen be called in Saidi?
Nae goals Tav would be my guess
Not sure they are good enough to play in the Green and Red
Neither of those prize dumplings would get a game for Oldham Athlettifaq, so a combined £20m seems like the sort of deal that Sevco could only dream of. A right back who cannae defend and a left back who cannae keep his eyes open do not a good defence make. Also, Tavpen’s USP – being the highest scoring fullback in world football – might not translate terribly well to a league where his team don’t get more penalties than anyone else…
Players will be ecstatic if they are offered rates of Arabia!
The rank badyins may well benefit, we’ve had ours have we not. Difference is we don’t do the never never.
‘Facepainter keeping an eye on developments…..
Tavernier (Pen) is perfectly replaceable. Indeed, as a penalty specialist he is just a like-for-like replacement for Waghorn (Pen). He is apparently a poor defender who costs goals when he is out of position upfield. If Sevco are offered 4.5 million for him, they would still be getting five times his true value.
What about the Kamara latest,training on his own as he knocked back a deal to Saudi, anything we do they need to be involved in. clinging too our shirt tale wanting to be part of it.
Im sure Shitshow FC will give you plenty of material to work with HH
Nah, it’s too realistic for fiction…
Actual figure is “Undisclosed Fee.”
I wonder which figures the daily record will report… until the imaginative accounts come out again stating the facts 😌
On the poteen, Phil 🙂
Money is obviously not an obstacle for Saudi teams, so it would just take a single ridiculous bid from the ‘Southport southpaw’ to make a huge difference here.
As someone once famously said, they “only need to be lucky once”.
Saudi oil sheiks are not stupid. They may shell out big money but they expect quality. If Mr Letsgo spends large sums on duds, he will not last long in the job.
Be careful Phil! That would be a better seller than Native Shore😄
Ooh…that’s wicked, Phil. 😉