Of MICE and weak men

Had it not been for the outstretched leg of João Pedro Neves Filipe at Pittodrie yesterday, then Mr Ange would have been looking forward to an autumn of discontent.

That, in itself, is an utterly ridiculous statement simply because it is true.

Thankfully, the Celtic manager has a little breathing space thanks to the man currently on loan from Benfica.

Indeed, even after the four-nil defeat at the hands of a very competent German side, his imminent sacking was being discussed in the heated landscape of message board land.

In the goldfish-like collective memory of footie supporters, the summer must seem like another country.

The Celtic board should be eternally grateful for this lack of recollection.

It was not Postecoglou who squandered vital months on the Eddie Howe fiasco.

The memorandum of misunderstanding had more holes in it than the Celtic back four against Bayer Leverkusen.

Unsurprisingly, the Englishman’s representatives exploited these deficiencies to the full and simply Did Walking Away.

It was an act of gross incompetence that should have had the author of that memo clearing his desk.

Instead, he is still there.

These are the type of questions that should be asked of the Celtic board the next time they are in front of shareholders.

The last Celtic AGM I was at, Jeanette Findlay of the Celtic Trust, stole the show when she excoriated the grey men in grey suits over their shameful refusal to make the club a Living Wage employer.

Of course, the resolutions from the Trust and other small shareholders are ALWAYS voted down by the billionaire at the end of the phone.

I rarely attend these stage-managed non-events.

However, sometimes they yield up vital information.

The Celtic CEO stated to the assembled shareholders that he had never seen the infamous Five Way Agreement.

Since the EBT cheating years were uncovered in 2012, the Parkhead board have remained faithful to their beloved Old Firm business model.

What they SHOULD have instead upon was a level playing field.

The difference in approach between the current incumbents of the Celtic board room and the Bunnet is stark.

The wee man went after the SFA and won and won.

Of course, it cost the late Jim Farry his job.

Remember that was over the delayed registration of another Portuguese frontman Jorge Cadete.

Next in like to give evidence in that hearing was one Sandy Bryson.

Apparently, he was very nervous about this prospect.

However, he need not have fretted as the case collapsed after Farry did the same under oath.

It was game over.

The same Mr Bryson came up with the wonderfully inventive euphuism of “imperfectly registered” to the highly flawed Nimmo Smith inquiry.

The EBT decade showed to any reasonable person that for those years, the game was in Scotland was rigged in favour of one club.

Since they died in 2012, the same special status migrated to the new entity.

I can only imagine what the Bunnet would have done during the Honest Mistake season of 2008-2009.

From the start of that campaign, it was clear that the team playing their home games at Ibrox HAD to win the league.

Levein’s accusations should have set off a major journalistic investigation.

However, instead, they were obediently silent and merely reported on the inevitable consequence for speaking truth to power.

The referee in question then had a second career with another type of conjuring.

By the January of 2009, the bank had put their guy on the board, so concerned they were about the spiralling debt situation at Rangers.

In the same period, the people in charge of Celtic wanted to package the Old Firm as a product to the English Premier League.

Sometimes this entire sad saga reads like a spy thriller.

There are certainly enough comprised assets for a very rich storyline.

I got some good news on Native Shore this morning that the typesetting process is going well.

When I know more about the publication date, then you will read it here first.

When I think about my journalism into the murky world of Planet Fitba, I don’t think that these are entirely unconnected worlds.

Intelligence agencies in the Anglosphere work have an acronym to guide how they turn one of the opposition.

It’s called MICE:

Money

Ideology

Coercion

Ego.

Obviously, it works both ways, and they use the same checklist to ascertain whether or not any of their own people might be similarly vulnerable.

The first one is easy enough to understand.

For example, anyone with severe financial difficulties is open to an approach for the other side.

I’m not breaking any news when I say that nothing will eradicate a person’s wealth as quickly as a gambling addiction.

Clearly, someone with such difficulties should not be in a position to alter the outcome of any professional sporting event.

Of course, I’m sure that the world-class chaps at Hampden will be fully aware of that and have strict protocols in place.

The late  Jim Farry almost certainly did not conspire with anyone to do down Celtic. he was merely acting within the mores of his culture to hamper the Hoops and benefit the team at Ibrox.

File under “ideology”.

For the avoidance of doubt, I believe that  “Coercion” and “Ego” could have played a major role in the recruitment of a star asset in the Celtic boardroom.

That is the only explanation that I have for the collective corporate failure of the chaps at Parkhead since the EBT cheating decade was uncovered.

It is no coincidence that I recently commissioned the brilliant Alan Morrison of Celtic By Numbers to look into the data on officiating.

I  believe that, given what is at stake, then this season will be a carnival of Honest Mistakes.

Sadly, the club most impacted by this will be as silent as MICE.

I hope that they will face some forensically focused questions at the next AGM.