The magical power of pallets

It is a seasonal madness in Narne Arne that ordinary folk just have to endure.

Thankfully we are spared this bonfire insanity in my corner of Cúige Uladh.

However, this year it appears that the folks in the Bonefire fraternity are taking a turn for the worse.

Many commentators have observed that as Loyalist paranoia grows about the future, then so does the height of their bonfires.

These piles of pallets are a phallic measure of their collective neuroticism.

As the tectonic plates shift in this archipelago, they obviously need this communitarian Viagra.

It takes a peculiar mindset to erect a towering fire hazard in front of a Fire Station.

That which is cultural is not amenable to reason.

The rest of us can see that the Westminster elite have nothing but contempt for them.

Consequently, the pallet stacking community is uber-sensitive if someone from the ruling tribe points out the truth about them.

Here Tory MP Simon Hoare has to apologise to the poor dears.

Irish Twitter has reacted with customary humour to this tragic manifestation of Bradaish insecurity in the Six Counties.

The sobering reality is that this subculture will be extant in a re-united Ireland an independent Scotland.

A journalist colleague in Belfast told me that a dignified delegation of the Bonefire fraternity made it to Glasgow to the festivities in George Square last May.

By the time these young pallet stackers are in middle age, the political map of these islands will almost certainly look vastly different.

The polity that was created for empire could be in the process of disaggregating.

Indeed, future historians may conclude that by 2021 the end of the UK was already underway.

When the pallet burning season is over, the Northern Ireland Protocol will still be in place.

The first data from the 2021 UK Census could be coming out as the winter nights draw in.

It will almost certainly reveal what everyone already knows on the ground; that the Protestant majority in the Six County statelet is gone and not coming back.

The pallet burners are grieving a lost idea of supremacy. They have nothing to fear about being in an Ireland of equals. However, their authoritarian worldview only sees the oppressed and the oppressor.

It is undeniable that they rather liked the idea that they were the latter role in the old Orange State.

Those days are gone now, and their attempts to hold back the tide of history is as futile as trying to find Ulsturr Scatch on Duolingo.

Next year their bonefires might be even higher.

Perhaps they believe these piles of pallets have some magical power to hold back the changing tides of history on this island if they go up in flames on the night of the 11^th.

Overall the crowds that gather around these burning embarrassments elicit feelings of pity in your humble correspondent.

However, I’m also mindful that this cargo cult also does a line in human sacrifice.

For generations, they’ve been socialised to believe that a few dead Taigs will solve all of their political and cultural problems.

That is why the dog whistles from the government benches in Westminster regarding the Protocol are so dangerously shameful.