The Phoney War is over for Baldrick FC

I wasn’t surprised to learn that the Sevco High Command were less than Zen-like about the election of Peter Lawwell to the SPFL board.

Of course, any reasonable observer looking in would see it as entirely sensible that the biggest club in the league should be represented.

However, that is not how it was perceived in the Blue Room, the poor dears.

Spare a thought though for that nice Mr Robertson.

Apparently, he couldn’t garner a single vote.

Late last night I was advised that the high-Level spin would be that he “withdrew” from the race.

Bless…

I’m told that the chaps in the Blue Room were also irked that Ms Budge of Hearts was also voted off.

No doubt they will miss the presence of their Star in the East on the SPFL board.

In reality, Sevco’s annual summer phoney war is now over again for another year.

Mr Gerrard has to win real competitive football matches now.

He is already bristling with anger at the Poundland operation that he has inherited.

You may recall dear reader that he was promised a squad rebuilding budget of £20m.

That was, in part, to be made up from a rights issue of £6m.

Yeah…

Fine…

As you will know, the average Ibrox customer has something of an erotic fascination for chaps in Brit uniforms.

They might find out in the coming months that they have  Baldrick in the dugout.

Indeed, even the most cunning plan, devised by a professor of cunning at Auchenhowie university, could adequately address the serious logistical problems at Ibrox.

The Ashley Injunction, the Hummel deal and the clusterfuck over the travel arrangements for Sevco fans all have a common denominator:

Lack of money.

This should be the main narrative around the basket of assets.

Instead, The People are still being fed pish like this.

There is also the fact that the Sevco board aren’t really functioning as a board at the moment.

There was a regular meeting scheduled for last week and it turned out to be just the Serious Professional and another colleague in the room.

No one else turned up and no one dialled in.

Then there is the Takeover Panel court case.

That one hasn’t gone away you know…

It is self-evident that Mr King continues to be a magnet for corporate incoming.

There is something darkly Trumpian about Dave King’s reign of error and his relationship with the facts.

His “favourable settlement” with the tax authorities in South Africa is a glaring example of that.

Then there is the small matter of 41 criminal convictions.

I have long since given up that the Fitba Fourth estate will hold anyone at Ibrox to account unless they clearly fall out of favour with the klan.

Yet there are many stories that the local Stenography Corps would be chasing.

Here are two questions they could ask at the next Sevco presser:

• Is it true that the board have stated that three players must be sold for £1.5m each before the transfer window closes?
• Is it true that corporate hospitality packages are being sold for Group Stages of the Europa League despite the fact that the club has not yet qualified?