This is Mental Health Awareness Week in the UK.
I think it is fair to say, that the macho world of soccer in Britain has been slow to catch up with the attitudinal changes in wider society on this important matter.
Moreover, men are notoriously bad in seeking help for mental health issues.
Of course, terms like “man up” do not help.
If you throw that denigrating jibe at any man then have a word with yourself.
The suicide figures for men in these islands would stop you in your tracks if you considered them for an instant.
There is substantial research to show that a person in a suicidal crisis will reach out in the days before they take that awful irreversible decision.
They don’t want to die.
However, they DO want the pain to stop.
Changing attitudes among men to seek help for mental health problems was one of the main reasons that I decided to assist Amnesty International here in Ireland on the issue.
The reaction of some to my participation in that at campaign told me more about them than it did about me.
Once The People had unearthed this dark secret about me they were elated.
Actually, I had written openly about the campaign and ipso facto my depression on this site and in the Irish media.
You can read about it here.
I was glad to be part of that conversation and I still am.
However, being open about this part of my life was handing others a stick to beat me with.
Sadly, The People grasped it with vindictive glee.
Mover, it wasn’t just the Ibrox clientele who made hay with this.
One member of the Scottish press back, who claims a close personal friendship with a forgiving chap called “Jesus” started to refer to me as “Bonkers Phil”.
As I say, it said more about them than it did about me.
Looking back at the Amnesty campaign, my settled view is that if I helped ONE person by participating in it then it was worth the effort.
For the uninitiated depression is not feeling “a bit down”.
It is a toxic cocktail of emotional, physical and psychological symptoms.
The first time I recall that I was hit by depression (there was a distinctive feeling of impact) was on a climbing trip in the Alps.
I was suddenly exhausted and I initially put it down to altitude sickness.
However, the symptoms lasted for months afterwards.
I still didn’t use the term “depression”.
Now I realise it was deferred grieving catching up with me.
My grandfather had died after a gruelling illness in the January and this was in the June/July.
However, the word depression had no relevance for me in my mid-twenties.
It was something that happened to sad people and I was infectiously enthusiastic and driven.
I was usually a bundle of energy planning climbing trips and throwing myself into political campaigns.
One of my mountain mates was in the ambulance service and he read widely on medicine and related subjects.
He was the first to suggest that I might suffer from depression.
I scoffed at him and told him the next time we were on the hill I would show him a clean pair of heels!
It was a typically macho response from the person I was then.
That was over thirty years ago and I think I’ve moved on a fair bit from that.
I still walk the mountains, but that is part of my well-being strategy.
However, back then I climbed at the self-destructive edge of my abilities.
There were days when I didn’t care if I tumbled to my death.
It was years later that I fully realised this awful truth.
I hope that by writing about these matters in the first person that I will help someone else.
I finally faced up to my depression when a much-loved uncle by marriage passed away.
In the weeks that followed I was hit by a trainload of fatigue.
Everything in my world seemed utterly futile and doomed.
“Chronic persistent sadness” is the medical dictionary definition of depression.
By that time I was married and had three toddlers to mind.
I pushed back against the depression by saying to myself that I was fine.
I wasn’t.
My trio are now big people out in the world on their own terms.
We regularly talk about these issues around the table when we get together.
Along with the Bean a tí they’re my primary defence system against this malady.
The four of them know when I’m starting to slip back down into the darkness again.
My brood were teenagers when I decided to go on the Amnesty campaign and they were all cool with it.
If they had not been in agreement then I wouldn’t have participated.
After all, their old dad was about to go on billboards here.
Dear reader, I was briefly the male poster child for depression in Ireland.
As I stated before, if I helped just ONE person by doing that then I’m satisfied.
Combating prejudicial attitudes to mental health problems is a job for all of us.
If it handed a weapon to those who would wish to silence my journalism on other matters then that was collateral damage that I had to accept.
One of the bravest voices on Planet Fitba about these issues is arguably one of the most shamefully vilified people in modern Scotland in recent years.
This week Neil Lennon once more spoke openly and bravely about this disease that stalks him.
When you consider the criminal hatred launched at him in Fair Caledonia then that says so more about that society than it does about Neil Francis Lennon.
The objective of this week is to raise awareness among the general public about issues around mental health.
If you’ve read this far you might want to know what you can do.
So here goes:
If you are concerned about someone you know then trust your instincts.
Nature equipped you with those early warning circuits so listen to them.
If you want to be an even more useful member of society dear reader then get yourself on an ASIST course.
The Choose Life campaign in Scotland is top class and I was mightily impressed when I spoke to them a decade ago for a book I was writing on the subject.
Funnily enough the main man there at the time was a Hibby!
Choose life…
It’s all we’ve got.
To do the ASIST training you don’t have to be a medic or educated to degree standard in some cognate discipline or anything like that.
It is run along the lines of a first aid course.
Anyone can do the course and the skills are easily learned and they really work.
After I had completed the course it was just six weeks later that I was called upon to deploy what I had learned “in anger”.
A man of my acquaintance was faced with an existential crisis.
He was clearly suicidal and later admitted that to me.
On the day in question he only saw suicide as a viable way out of his situation.
Using the “CPR” mnemonic from the ASIST course I was able to make crucial judgement calls on the spot.
I had to as a person was falling to pieces in front of me.
With help he got through it.
That’s was over a decade ago.
The pain passed and he is alive today and in a better place.
This isn’t a job, in the first instance, for highly trained professionals.
It is a job for all of us.
I have been heartened to witness over the last decade that there is something stirring in the nation of the townlands on these issues.
The folk at Pieta House are mighty and their ‘Darkness into light’ campaign is uplifting.
When I first looked at the issue as a journalist I was told by a researcher that 40 people (yes FORTY) were adversely affected by a person taking their own life.
The same academic told me that at that time (it was 2006) that in the Republic of Ireland three out of four people here now knew someone who had died by suicide.
That person would usually be a man under 25.
Every year since then on the island we have lost the equivalent of an infantry battalion of young men.
For a time as a member of a mountain rescue team I was part on quiet cottage industry of body recovery here in Donegal.
Across the country civil defence, local sub aqua clubs assisted the police in searching for and recovering people who had gone to remote locations to take their lives.
Psychological autopsies showed that they had been in severe emotional pain and many of them had reached out in the period immediately before they died.
I realised that there had to be a conversation here in the culture if this society was to become less toxic to those young men in crisis.
My first stage play, “The Flight of the Earls”, addressed the issue.
It has been produced three times.
The play premiered here in Donegal in 2005, toured the west of Ireland in 2007 and was staged as part of the Saint Patrick’s Festival in Glasgow in 2014.
A central part of the drama was that Daragh missed all of the warning signs as Peadar slipped into a fatal depression.
Did I mention that this was a job for all of us?
Whether we are ASIST trained and ready to roll or just an active member of society we can all challenge prejudicial attitudes in the culture apropos mental health problems.
That’s what this week is about.
Stay well.
Mind yourself and look out for others.
It’s ok not to be ok.
Tell that to yourself and let others know it too.
For the avoidance of doubt dear reader, this is a job for all of us.
Please do your bit.
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Good stuff. Important to continue these conversations. “Open up when you’re feeling down!” Call Breathing Space 0800 83 85 87 Scotland’s MH Phoneline.
Thank you Phil, I can relate very strongly to this subject as I have suffered depression myself and it is a frightening, horrible place to be. My 23 year old brother committed suicide after bouts of depression, so I know at first hand the devastating affect it can have on a family, I still feel guilt and sadness to this day after reading his suicide note and can still see it in my mind’s eye, how no-one understood what was happening to him and everybody told him to “pull yourself together”.
Anybody who does not understand what happens to people who are suffering should listen to the song “Vincent” (Starry Starry Night) by Don McLean, this tells how Vincent Van Gough, a brilliantly talented artist, committed suicide after no-one would listen to his cries for help.
Medical proffessionals say 25% of the population will suffer some mental illness at some point in their lives, I personally think the figure is much higher than this.
Medication takes a long time to work and is not always effective. The stigma that ignorant people attach to mental illness is often as bad as the illness itself.
I always say to people who are suffering to imagine the they are in a dark tunnel but as long as they can see a chink of light at the end of the tunnel, they will get there.
Anybody suffering has got to develope coping mechanisms to deal with it. Some of my coping mechanisms are:
Listening to feel good music.
Reading a good book.
Going for long walks.
Singing a few of your favourite songs.
Listening to your favourite comedians, (laughter).
I hope that this helps anyone reading this not to be embarassed to talk or listen about mental health issues.
Thanks for the advice on coping, Pat. God bless.
p.s. Phil, am sure from the various discussions you are aware of your most positive contribution regarding the topic. My thanks once more.
As a mental health nurse, I deal with this on a daily basis. I nurse people who continue to harm themselves to varying degrees; superficial cutting to real, serious attempts to complete the act of suicide. Regardless of what ‘level’ of harm is done, each of these people needs help. Too many people treat the behaviour rather than looking beyond it and at the cause. There are too few services (nationally) to cope with the amount of people this condition affects but we do try to reach out to as many as we can. Unfortunately, it’s often too late.
I, too, suffer from this debilitating condition. 3 times now. The first and second times were post natal (from 4 pregnancies) and this time is just life’s usual stresses. I have been on my current anti-depressant for about 8 years now and it doesn’t take away the problems but it allows me to prioritise them and deal with them rationally and with a clearer head.
The general adult nurses often refer to us as ‘not real nurses’, to which my reply is always “you have an easy job as you nurse what you see. We nurse what you can’t see. We nurse the invisible.’
#seeme
Brilliant article again Phil hopefully one day buy you a pint when I visit the county of my forefathers
Somewhere along the line we all seem to have forgotten the true meaning of the words “bravery” and “courage”. The willingness to put yourself in the firing line in pursuit of a better future, is the essence of both. Without doubt, people such as yourself Phil and Neil Lennon have demonstrated great personal bravery and courage in speaking out about depression. You deserve all our thanks. Chapeau!
Hi guys.
I reluctantly admit in private to having suffered periods of depression since my teens.
I did train as a mental health nurse 25 years ago.
I changed career some 15 years ago.
I suffered depression during marital breakup 15 years ago and again following my best friends suicide 3 years ago. I stubbornly self treat using beer, gambling to raise neurochemicals, drink red bull, overeat, take vitamin supplements and periodically hard exercise.
In the UK we also are deprived of sunlight sept thru to may which causes SADS to add to the cocktail…lol
I have found that taking vitamin D supplement in winter and vitamin B compound can help.
I also recently purchased the same light box used in the NHS. the LUMIE BRAZIL
Vitamins in moderation, exercise daily, light box therapy all help raise neurochemicals.
Gambling and alcohol also raises neurochemicals which causes the addictions and adds to problems.
Different treatments work for different people so get help and TALK.
Even someone with my experience needs support.
Here is a link for the light box direct from the manufacturers.
http://www.lumie.com/products/brazil
Heres a wee bit of humour also….
Remember when going on the pull , you never went with a full bawsack for obvious reasons…lol
Well…….also… NEVER make an important decision on one. GOOD LUCK.
I am a mental health proffessional.From 30+ years of experiance 2 things are certain suicide is highly prevalent in males in age group 20 to 35 and of these cases the majority have had no contact with mental health services or indeed discussed their inner torment with anyone.Great article to highlight your own personal torment and difficuties and how you found some answers and moved forward good on you!
Great article Phil.Mental health is a real issue and some employers like my own don’t get it.When you’re not sleeping properly for weeks and then on your day off wake up at 5a.m. and then start crying for no reason ,you realize you have a problem. Thankfully I’m a lot better now but I never felt as low.My wife suffered from depression a few times before me ,and myself being ignorant thought it was all made up at the time.Now,having suffered anxiety,stress,panic attacks realize that this is REAL.Thankyou for highlighting this issue.God bless,you’re a star.
Wonderful article Phil. I’m sure it was not an easy one to write. In my experience of working in this field I would say that isolation, whether physical, mental or both is an incessant fuel in the fire of mental illness. That is why the outreach services (which are criminally underfunded) are an absolutely vital tool in the fight against this affliction. Trying to get the message across to folk that they are not alone and that there is help out there is important, even if it is just a voice on the end of a telephone line to talk to.
I know the above may seem a little simplistic as I know folk who are surrounded by wonderful family and friends but who still feel like the loneliest person in the world. It may be taking a giant leap to pluck up the courage to talk to anyone, whether that be a loved one or a complete stranger. The important thing to remember is, you don’t have to suffer alone.
Phil thank you for your article but unfortunately i will fall to this illness one day even with a wife and 4 children… There isn’t a waken hour or even a sleeping one at that, that i dont think about it
Phil
I suffer from depression. I was diagnosed a couple of years ago by my GP following some work issues. I had been working long hours, trying to do everything and not let anyone down, balancing family commitments. My employer didn’t get it and just seemed to want an extra piece of flesh, another hour of my day. I only realised something was going wrong when I started suffering from unexplained headaches and sever fatigue. GP check my blood pressure which was well OTT despite a relatively healthy lifestyle – I don’t smoke, eat well and drink socially but not to excess. I was diagnosed with Anxiety and Depression and put on meds for the high blood pressure only as I refused to accept my depression. I work in an environment that being diagnosed with depression would kill my career so I did not want that recorded.
However a wee while later it all came on top in a very big way. I would get on a bus to go to work and either get to work on autopilot or stay on the bus until I realised I had missed my stop. I’d walk around town for hours with no idea or intention of where to go. I’d sit in coffee shops for hours just because I could be on my own. I’d even hide myself in the toilet cubicle for hours at work just for peace, quiet and solitude.
I had to finally accept the facts. I went on meds and after a few weeks lead in time I regained a balance which made me feel what one might describe as “normal”
I got better and then I came off the meds and things continued to be good for some time. I have had bad days when I really am not myself but I could recognise them and deal. I didn’t need the meds.
Most recently I’ve found myself going through the same issues as I did a couple of years ago but bizarrely even though I know I should I am reluctant to see my GP. I know what is happening but I can’t don anything about it. I can’t go and seek help. I haven’t reached that place yet.
Tonight from reading your article I realise that there is a fine line in mental health between getting better and moving to the end game and the pain that leaves behind for loved ones.
I know I need to see my GP again.
You have triggered something tonight.
Thank you
Not surprised when you said a depression was after your parent passed.
I am not myself troubled by depression although unhappily my brother in law is.
Never wd have thought it except ross is naturally reserved. Apparently in his case he tends to enter it after long winters.
At any rate he is getting treatment so the future for him is not entirely black.
I recall that after my mother died I was not myself for about 6 months and without being aware was probably suffering from mild depression.
In my case I think what triggered it was my mother was my last remaining parent and suddenly I was as it were an orphan -perhaps not an uncommon reaction.
Mental Health issues are no joke and I expect that the possibility of experiencing them is at a deep level very frightening.
My brother had a nervous breakdown and subsequent mental issues and I remember being a surprised -I wasnt aware till later and b concerned because if it cd happen to him it might also affect me in my turn.
Not being mentally in control is a deeply disturbing thought to someone educated in the usual literary way and who earned his living by mental means (I was a law clerk)
Take that away and you are nothing.
I had the unhappy experience of seeing a colleague go into a breakdown at work and thats not an experience Id care to repeat-It was likely of course worse for the sufferer than myself.
Such a wonderful article, so open and honest.
Phil, every word is on the money – I’ve suffered from anxiety for 30 years and this spilled over into depression 12 years ago
Hardest thing was admitting it to myself – when I did that I was making progress – I had an amazing counsellor who changed the way I felt and the way I dealt with it
Sometimes it creeps back but I know what to do now
You’re a good person Phil
Thank You Phil.
The sad fact is that many health professionals also need to be aware of stigmatising language and actions in dealing with people with Mental Health Issues.
I’ve struggled for years with anxiety and depression, and only this week I had my first ever appointment with a Consultant Psychiatrist, 8 years after my suicide attempt and 9 months after Police in riot gear had to break in to my flat because of my distress.
In the intervening years between attempted suicide and a call from the riot squad, my mental health has declined dramatically. I was referred for a short course of counselling, and the assessor at the local Community Mental Health Trust declared, ‘But . . . You present well.’ Hardly what I wanted to hear, and I’m not even sure what it means.
Is it because I’m fairly articulate, some times to the point of verbosity? If that is the benchmark by MH Professionals in determining a treatment programme, then all round ‘good egg’ Stephen Fry has no issue with his bi-polar, which he has written and broadcast on extensively, as he presents himself a whole damn better, than I present me.
Steph, I suffer from depression and my experience is similar. It would appear if you are articulate and can express yourself competently then you are judged to be in better shape than others who cannot. I discussed this with various trained proffesionals and my G.P. who were all in agreement that this should not be the case although unfortunately seems to be.
Excellent work once again, Phil. Many thanks.
p.s. After a period of extreme hardship will be making a donation this coming week. Thanks again.
Same here, Steph, I’ve heard this phrase at least three times from three different doctors while they read my assessment numbers with a concerned look on their slack and swinging jaws.
‘I’m surprised because you present so well’ …
I’ve been left to assume it’s because we’re not conforming to the stereotype of being a gibbering nervous wreck dressed in ratty clothes and glancing furtively into the corner every ten seconds.
I say ‘I’ve been left to assume’ because not one of them can give me an answer when I ask them to explain out loud just exactly what they mean by this.
Even the ‘professionals’ don’t know how to deal with it without stigma.
Indeed, just last month I had a psychiatric nurse telling me that I ‘CHOOSE to be ill’ …
Now isn’t that just the perfect pick-me-up for when you’re hunting for reasons not to jump out the feckin windae …?!
Sorry to hear thar Swavvy although again I am in no way surprised. I’ve attended medical appointments only when i’ve felt well enough to leave the house. This being after periods of months of isolation when I wont allow even family members to enter my property never mind visits from health proffesionals. Again only to be told that I present went. As my brother has said on many occasions, “Aye, they should have seen you last week !” In agreement, they appear simply unsure of what to do. I guess this may also be to do with cronic underfunding within the NHS. I wont even begin to try and explain the shoddy treatment i’ve received from the DHSS. Hope you’re holding up, Swavvy. Peace and love.
Hi, Maelseachlainn, thanks for your good words and understanding.
What I don’t get is how health ‘Professionals’ and authorities, for all their centuries of study, don’t know how to properly deal with depression or anxiety AT ALL, yet some simple words from fellow sufferers on this page can lift your mood, and hopes, instantly.
One could almost begin to think that they don’t want to find a cure, and are happy to just keep the money flowing into the antidepressant corps’ pockets but, as many a medical practitioner has assured me, of course that is NOT the case, even if they DO fund Doc’s golf trips and cruises with the mistress.
Good advice all round on relieving the symptoms from many contributors on here but the most important thing I learned is DON’T take the drugs, they not only don’t work, they actually make you worse, get you hooked and store up a nasty giant Hell of withdrawal and suffering in the future.
But, aye, some good music and a compassionate ear can go a long way to lifting the feelings, but only when you’re able to receive them.
Peace & love to you too, Maelseachlainn, and everyone else who has contributed.
You’ve done some great, long lasting, work here, Phil, and again I thank you for all of it.
Thank you …
A brilliantly powerful piece of writing, Phil.
The stigma associated with the term ‘depression’ is, as you say in the Indo article, a bigotry, if a blind one, no more and no less.
I have also found down the years that alternative terms like ‘exhaustion’ or ‘Chronic Fatigue Syndrome’ are considered less toxic, but it appears that most folk hit a kind of cognitive dissonance when they hear the word ‘depression’, they become defensive, and I suspect that this might be solely down to their own misguided prejudices in misunderstanding this illness and its impact upon the sufferers.
In my own experience, at least, folk seemed more compassionate, and less likely to call me a skiver, lazy or work-shy, when I told them I had Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, even though they ‘knew’ even less about that.
I alos must thank Neil Lennon for speaking out about his own illness.
I was in Ireland, and suffering badly from it, when Neil first went public and his input definitely helped move the discussion in the workplace on just that tiny little bit, although no one wanted to go past a certain point in the conversation.
(I struggled greatly amidst the machismo of working class Dublin and had to seek long term help in trying to cope with the daily ‘stigma’.)
Thanks again, Phil, for a very touching article on the subject, and for putting yourself out there as the face of the campaign.
You continue to inspire us in myriad ways.
Terrible thing depression. I have thought many times of jumping into the Clyde. Why didn’t I ? Because I purely shat it. Stood at the point of jumping in twice and tried to build up bottle to just fall in.
The world, apart from the odd goodness, is full of shit. Children die from starvation and wars because the world sits back and allows it. Breaks my heart. I dare say il be back doon the Clyde again soon. Maybe one day il jump in. Until then I fight my demons alone. I don’t bother folk other than writing this. Sorry. Il try keep my chin up but it’s so damn hard at times.
But your strength Phil makes me want to slap myself out of it. Time will tell.
We’re all warships in a calm sea,
ready to fight, but we’d rather flee.
The fear within us hides the glee
Away from this we’d rather be.
The remarkable thing about it , is it doesn’t discriminate , rich – poor etc etc …… when the control unit goes on the blink nothing else matters , don’t know the cure but good , friends/music/excerise all seem help.
Hi Phil,
I’ve Been posting all week on twitter and on Facebook in support of mental health sufferers. I’m no stranger to the Black Dog myself.
It’s hard to dig deep just to be ordinary, then only to mocked and stigmatised. There is not a syllable in your post that does not resonate.
Here’s to the hope that we can evolve as a society and be decent to each other!
Thanks Phil
Excellent article Phil.
I was particularly struck by these words:
“There is substantial research to show that a person in a suicidal crisis will reach out in the days before they take that awful irreversible decision.
They don’t want to die.
However, they do want the pain to stop.”
I never understood how a person could want to self harm let alone would do such to themselves; I do now!
Thankfully I was able to get help before I took any such steps myself.
Could I suggest a self help group called Depression Alliance (now a part of Mind) who provide services throughout England:
https://www.mind.org.uk/about-us/what-we-do/depression-alliance/
Excellent Phil so very true
Great stuff. Well said.
Excellent work. I have suffered both cancer and depression (not linked) – give me the Big C anytime. Depression has blighted the lives of a number of my relatives and close friends and it is truly awful but it is still so misunderstood. If you have never had it you can never understand the black fog that shrouds you.
An excellent article, thank you for sharing your own experiences as it may well help others.
There is a fault with NHS Health Scotlands web site, this is normal. I used to work there. Here is the direct link. Only one course next week in Drumchapel : http://www.chooselife.net/training/index.aspx
dear Phil
I follow most of your comments from Australia.
I was very touched by this Phil , I hope and trust that it will encourage family members to be aware of the symptoms
God Bless
James – Sydney
Many thanks
Thank you for this excellent article. Many of us are visited by “the black dog” from time to time and maybe we can spot the signs in others and try to be of help.
Being macho does not work. I find that talking about my PTSD now and being up front with people helps in many ways especially when I have episodes.
Been in the dark clouds myself well done to you . every morning I get up with the border collie is I special one.