Stenographers and Stormtroopers

I understand that here was a high-level meeting on the Sevco Death Star last week.


Ah, we’re hosting the Stars Wars fleadh in Donegal at the moment, and we’re all getting into the spirit of things.

So forgive my inter-galactic cogitations.

For the avoidance of doubt dear earthling, I do think that Mr David Cunningham King would make an excellent Darth Evader in any future episode of the sci-fi saga.

It is a taxing role that requires pathos and dignity, and he already brings so much of that to the Sevco drama.

At this meeting in a Blue Room far away last week, there was a re-affirmation of the overall budget and the wage structure for the next campaign.

As ever scarce resources must be allocated to have the optimum effect.

My understanding is that the overall wage bill cannot go up, so players have to leave if others come in.

All very much in order for a well-run football club.

Of course, that isn’t something that has always been the case since Sevco was set up in 2012.

If there is an intrepid stenographer out there that wants a break from analysing the excellent report from the Tax Justice Network then perhaps I can make a suggestion.

They could, tremblingly, approach the Sevco press office and find out if the Holding Company Vehicle has had internal discussions about whether or not capital spending for next year can go ahead.

This is because, I am told, that the Engine Room Subsidiary might need more money for player salaries if the Admirable Warburton manages to snare a few stars.

Perhaps the Star Wars folk could utilise this Five Star world class stadium as a location for some exciting climactic scene.

That would be one way of dealing with the Ibrox repair bill.

It was heartening to learn that the chaps in the Blue Room are delighted with the well-judged forays that their excellent manager has been making into the media apropos new acquisitions.

Of course, it would be unfortunate if they felt in any way under pressure by high profile players being linked with a loss-making a club that has no credit line from a bank.

In a transfer market far far away perhaps the ex-City trader might soon be locked in negotiations with an out of contract Ewok.

I was also told to look out for some move, probably just before Christmas when The People would be asked to contribute further to the Holding Company Vehicle in some imaginative financial scheme.

That this might be required I find somewhat puzzling  given the Level of over-investment that is waiting in South Africa.

Of course, there is a certain seasonality to crisis loans at Sevco over previous years.

In 2014, the Mike Ashley’s MASH provided a loan of £3m to stave off insolvency.

Then the following January a further £10m was arranged in two equal tranches, one of which was immediately drawn down.

Oh and perhaps our fearless stenographer could also ask about those pesky ‘Onerous Contracts.’

Remember them?

My information is that some of these legally binding agreements are still being honoured.

Now I am off down the word mines again dear reader.

I’m afraid this is deadline week for the sample chapter and the synopsis.

However, if you do decide to consume some Sevco flavoured stenography then may the farce be with you.

Discover Phil’s dramatic play Rebellion