Hilarious Hamzagate

It was with some sadness that I learned today that Sevco’s in-house aromatherapist has diagnosed that wee Hamza is in the cream puff.

At Paisely, when his mystery injury flared up, perhaps some last-minute trackside Reiki could have realigned his chakras.

Alas, he couldn’t take part in the plucky 1-1 draw with the home side.

I’m not surprised that the bid for him was rejected, as I’m told that it was, in total, only going to be around €2m with add-ons.

When other clubs know that a player is…err…, unsettled, the offers tend to be lowball.

To make sense of any of this, we have to follow follow the money.

Just like dear Russell, Paddy Stewart has his KPIs, and that means lowering the wage bill.

For example, if Cyriel Dessers were fit, it was highly likely he would also be sold in this window.

Of course, a regular feature of Operation Soothe is that members of the Stenography Corps are fed fairy stories about inflated fees when the public stance is “undisclosed”.

 

Ridvan, try €1.5m and you’ll be on the money.

Jefte $1.25m, with his new club paying $600k in agent fees.

For the avoidance of doubt, my information is that Russell is allowed a maximum of 50% of any player trading profit on a case-by-case basis.

Many dignified types have commented, some angrily, that young Master Martin looks positively Zen-like in his pressers.

That’s because he KNOWS he was signed up for a turnaround sustainability project.

If Paddy Stewart decides to let him go, the Sevco CEO has been informed by the American Ashleys that the cost of the severance package will have to come out of his existing budgets.

The highly enjoyable rage on view in Sevco podcasts and message boards is, in part, due to the pish they were fed by the local media when the Americans completed their takeover.

Those who observe the Sevco excrement exhibition are accustomed to their annual managerial crisis.

However, this one has happened much quicker than others.

Firstly, the fans are enthused with promises of impending dominance.

Then reality drops on them from a great height.

As ever, Paddy Power sums up this hilarious shambles rather well.

On Planet Fitba, only Celtic can stop Celtic.

That’s something I’ll be thinking tonight when Brendan’s Bhoys are in action in Asia as part of a European competition…