This is a special time of the year for the Ibrox klanbase.
Indeed, it is their favourite spot in the calendar.
Why?
Oh, that’s easy.
No football matches.
Therefore, they can believe comforting myths about the great future in front of them.
The same every year…
Of course, they are facilitated in this pishful thinking by the usual suspects in the Stenography Corps.
That much is a given.
However, as the Ibrox happy time is once more upon us, I think this summer is going to be a real stormer for Off The Radar pish.
Don’t believe me?
Then look at these beauties.
See what I mean?
Now, here is the forensic truth.
Sevco have not won a thing this season.
They failed in both cup competitions and they finished second in the league.
That’s just a pesky fact.
Last season Celtic won the league by nine points.
Whereas this season…
Yup, nine points!
Yet, this season was set up for Sevco to actually land a glove on the champions.
Indeed, it was almost as if the universe conspired this season to hobble Celtic from the Get Go.
The summer transfer window was an angry shambles at Parkhead.
Boyata kicked the pram and the Champions League riches were lost in Athens.
Then Celtic lost the last league match of 2018 at Ibrox and the klan believed that amazing things were possible and they read that on the back pages.
True, the champions did some business in the January transfer window.
Although it was mainly loan deals, it was enough in the end.
Celtic would not then lose a league match after the winter break until the title was won.
In the midst of all of that Celtic lost their manager in February.
He simply walked out without warning to “give his life” to Leicester City…
Those are the facts.
However, if you were a visitor to Planet Fitba and reliant only of the SMSM then you would be forgiven for believing a very different narrative.
This Saturday, on that special date, the Ibrox klanbase will have their dignified noses pressed up against the glass as Celtic take on Hearts.
It is an occasion that the Sevco clientele have experienced.
However, in 2016 they choked, the Hibbees celebrated and the klan got klanning.
Then there was the world exclusive that every Sevco player had been assaulted.
Of course, it was more pish and was quickly found out by anyone with a smartphone and the facility of reason.
However, it was faithfully regurgitated as fact.
Still, the Sevco spin keeps on coming.
Of course, Mr Let’s Go did rather spoil the narrative when he let it slip about the €3m bid for Morelos.
Apparently, this led to a free and fair exchange of views between the rookie manager and Sevco’s inter-galactic PR guru on Tuesday.
Apparently, the Convict Chairman had gone slightly tonto about the introduction of the truth by Mr Let’s Go apropos the market value of Alfredo.
It is important that everyone stays on message.
Especially if the message is pish.
That narrative is vital to sooth the klanbase because the reality isn’t too hopeful.
The actual recruitment attempts has all the hallmarks of sensible austerity.
My information is that Sevco’s Director of Fantasy is looking for bargains, but even that can prove problematic.
I’m hearing that they were in for a promising young centre back at a League 2 club.
The asking price was in the region of £500k and Sevco offered £350k down with increments.
Apparently, another English club came in and simply paid the money.
It is almost as if the Sevco High Command are anticipating a large bill coming down the pipe.
For example, the litigation by Sports Direct against the basket of assets hasn’t gone away you know.
I’m told that they were back in court yesterday for the summing up.
The verdict will be delivered next month and it comes down to how much Sevco will have to hand over to Big Mike.
When the Serious Professional was giving evidence he admitted that the club did not currently have the money available to pay what Ashley was asking.
This should be a huge story on the back pages.
However, instead, you get a tsunami of pish about how great Sevco players are despite the fact, yes the fact that they have once again finished the season without a trophy.
From now until July and the Europa league qualifiers the Stenography Corps has free reign to indulge in lots of premature speculation about Sevco’s chances next season.
The cruel reality is that the champions will go into the summer transfer window with tens of millions of pounds in the bank and the basket of assets are borrowing money at punitive rates simply to make payroll.
Anyone who tells you different is either very badly informed or obediently toiling in order to support their succulent lamb addiction.
For the avoidance of doubt dear reader that stuff doesn’t happen here.
Then again, you already know that.
Sevco have there court case with mike ashley,in January 2020,will mike ashley actually get the money he is due,or will sevco manage to delay any money that is owed to him for a later date.
Phil a great piece,you are truly a great wordsmith.
Spot on Phil. I cannot agree with those who fear us not achieving 10iar. We had a disruptive season and still strolled the league and hopefully the treble treble. We have in excess of £50m in the bank and a possible CL pot of another £35m should we qualify in the next few months. Our so called rivals are taking secured loans from last call lenders just to keep the lights on and pay the wages. They have a PR machine spouting pish for the hard of thinking and a soft media who dare not wake the sleeping beast. Thats it, a rookie manager cannot compete with that. They will win the odd battle but never the war.
Sevco: “Basket case of Assets” might be more accurate.
With all the silence coming from CFC, could it be true, could it be Jose, or will it be a total anti-climax to contrast the premature speculation?
A miss firing,stuttering Celtic who had their worst League start for years and an even worse transfer window losing Dembele and then Club top scorer Griffiths won the League with games to go.
Not only that we are a possible 90 minutes away from a historic Treble Treble.
We have comfortably £30m sat in the Bank and essentially enough money to replace the outgoing,underachievers and Loanees with much better quality.
Neil Lennon will deliver 10 if the Board get this window right.
No danger.
Agree with nearly all you say, especially getting ‘this window right’.
Will we get it right for CL qualifiers, or, domestic bliss, or both, or, none?
We have to John.
I would bring John Park back ASAP and keep Lenny provided they back him in a manner they would someone like Rafa or Brendan.
The money saved on someone like Rafa and his backroom staff alone would be enough to acquire Meling at Rosenborg for example or half of Castagne’s price tag.
As Jock Stein once said if you build a side good enough for Europe the other stuff takes care of itself.
Lenny has proven he can build a squad good enough for last 16 of the Champions League.
Brendan never made it to that stage with way more money at both Celtic and especially Liverpool where they pumped just under £300m into his side there.
“Pishful thinking” LOL, brilliant, that made my day.
Do you have any sources at Celtic Park? Any news on the new manager. I already know that lot are pish, and only Celtic can beat Celtic. I would like to know w bit more about Celtic’s plan.
Phil – have you accidentally switched on predictive text on your electronic device? The reason why I ask is that in the latter part of this article you referred to “premature speculation” by the Stenography Corps.. I’m sure you actually meant PREMATURE EJACULATION when it comes to them appraising all things Sevco-related.
Steven it was a masterful play on words, what you quoted was exactly what Phil meant.
Once again we get the truth but alas, as is always the case, not the whole truth.
Is the fact that the Ibrox club were, with all the ills and distractions that you correctly highlight, still able to play us off the park twice at Ibrox and in the second-half at CP with ten men, not telling us all something?
The SPFL (what a stupid title) is now back to being a two-horse race. Our nine-point lead was welcome, however most supporters would think it flattered us after such a lack-lustre campaign on the field.
It has been a crazy season in some respects, everything that could go wrong for us, has gone wrong, right from day-one. We must however remember that we have had ‘seven years of plenty’, no impediment to our planning and organisation in comparison to our Ibrox rivals…..and yet we seem to be entering a ‘dogfight’ with them next season.
Make no mistake about it, the majority of Celtic supporters, especially the season ticket holders who frequent Celtic Park, are apprehensive and believe less in ‘ten in a row’ than tbey did a year ago.
For us, Monday 27 May is the start of the new season – we MUST hit the ground running – New Mansger/New Players/New Belief.
I totally agree John, I am a season ticket holder and do not feel the confidence that I once did regarding 10IAR
In what way is it a two horse race John?
Celtic and the Ibrox club – I see things reverting to this – I am not happy, but being realistic.
Each and every time they came up against a side that had as much to win or lose as they did, they lost: in the league cup, in Europe, in the Scottish cup and in the league. As soon as there was any pressure or the game had something substantial riding on it. – collapse. As well as everything else they lack character.
I don’t usually comment, but that was funny as fck. Fair play to you. I’m going to be laughing all day.