Intelligent life and the Planet Fitba conundrum

So we might not be alone after all.

I have no idea what intelligent life would make of Planet Fitba.

Moreover, if we sent our equivalent of Voyager what would it include?

Here are my suggestions:

An audio of the tiny minority at Ibrox belting out their fascist anthem about Billy Fullerton.  Of course, they actually sound like most of the stadium, but we are reliably informed from the press box that it is only an unrepresentative handful.

We could also include reportage of a world exclusive from an award-winning journalist about a billionaire about to buy an ailing football club.

The club in question that died because the chap wasn’t that wealthy after all.

However, everyone pretends that the said death did not take place.

There could also be a video of John Beaton deploying dignified common sense apropos Alfredo Morelos.

After a decade of looking in on Planet Fitba, I’m rather convinced that a version of the Fermi Paradox is in operation when it comes to sports desk coverage of matters Ibrox.

Any intelligent life there simply doesn’t last long.

The crushing weight of “Old Firm” orthodoxy means that if conformity is not reasserted then the non-conforming journalist just leaves.

On the subject of other planets, I do not know if Celtic will derive any benefit over Sevco after the winter the training camps are over.

Celtic are in five star Dubai and the basket of assets could only afford a package holiday to Tenerife.

My information is that Mr Gerrard would have preferred something more akin to the standards he was accustomed to at Liverpool.

In terms of facilities, I think to say that both Glasgow teams are currently on different planets.

Consequently, I was recently told by a reliable source that Sevco’s intergalactic PR guru was very keen to get ahead of the narrative on this, especially after the summer debacle.

I think he got his wish with this hard-hitting report.

Across the city, Rodgers will undoubtedly be pleased that the forward areas of his squad have been augmented.

It is the back four that now requires attention and, of course, he knows that.

Fail to prepare, prepare to fail…

Celtic failed in the summer due to Heated Driveway Hubris.

Another failure in this transfer window could see the league title being surrendered.

In a parallel universe, the CEO’s bonus has already been calculated for that calamity.

Discover Phil’s dramatic play Rebellion