When the barking dogs are inside the caravan

I’m afraid we might be approaching endgame for this highly entertaining caravan.

Yesterday morning there was another outpouring of mutual recriminations at the holiday camp formerly known as Murray Park.

This time Pedro focused his ire on Messrs Dorrans and Hodson.

Ryan Jack was also on the receiving end of some harsh criticism.

The Poundland Mourinho stated that the Quintessentially British players were incapable of learning new tactical ways.

Then Mr Moderator snapped it was a Saipan moment an Auchenhowie.

Pedro reminded him of his advanced age for a footballer and that he didn’t think he had a full game in him anymore.

At that point, the veteran Sevco man stated that he had more in the tank than the expensive Mexican called Carlos.

The Briton also noted that it was the first time that the Central American had been early at training.

At this juncture, Mr Moderator offered a few harsh observations on the abilities of the coach and it degenerated into a blazing row.

This is a difficult narrative to control in the radar press.

An inter-galactic PR guru was witness to this rammy.

Not long after I’m told that he was quickly on Follow Follow disguised by a cunning alias.

Via that dignified message board, he told The People that one day it would all be rosy at Ibrox.

For the avoidance of doubt, Pedro and his backroom team signed on for three years.

47 thoughts on “When the barking dogs are inside the caravan”

  1. Inside track again Phil , you know they love you really.
    I see people are referring to the three year contract Pedro and co are on, since when did a contract mean anything to this mob ,any subsequent legal action for a breach would just be yet another case on the books. Who apart from yourself Phil would chastise them in the media for breaching any contracts.

    Meanwhile on the other foot I see Benfica have pulled out of that international glamour tie against them scheduled for next Friday in Canada .
    Benfica evidently didn’t think it would prove much of a run out for their reserves ,that , together with the less than 2000 tickets sold , convinced them to douse it.
    This bearing in mind Benfica’s first team just lost 5-0 in Europe. Sevco/whatever are , wait for it…taking legal advisement.

  2. Really enjoy your reports Phil they’re absolutely fantastic can’t wait to read them god you must really annoy them i love it. Hope you keep it going will make donation and god bless you young man for standing up for us all and giving it back to them ten fold.

  3. O Captain! my Captain! our fearful trip is done,
    The ship has weather’d every rack, the prize we sought is gone.

    Yes not surprised that Kenny (love my tan)has come unstuck, obviously his indulgednt badge kissing has left him hysterical and more deluded than his boss.

    It truly is the gift that keeps on giving..

  4. It’s great to be back home in the best smallest bigoted country in the world. I’m sure if we could get rid of the knuckle dragging, orange marching ,flute playing, sectarian singing, anti catholic half wits, then we probably would be the best smallest country in the world . Oh, lets not forget our military , our brave soldiers and marines ,abseiling ,from the stands of mordor into the hordes of the orcs wetting themselves below.
    It pleases me that our tax pounds go to training bigots for bigots, especially as their guests don’t subscribe to the act of paying tax.
    Some of the officers present in the group photograph, didn’t look overly enthralled by their surroundings. The only thing missing appeared to be the pointy white pillowcase with two eyeholes cut in it,which in their stupidity would probably be worn back to front.
    Re Pedro, “Let’s talk about Pedro!” We’ve just returned from an absolutely brilliant three weeks in Portugal. Outstanding scenery and the friendliest and most welcoming people you could ever meet, as you know.
    Men were always willing to talk football. I asked seven / eight guys,taxi drivers,bars ,restaurants etc if they knew of Pedro Caixhina.Most asked me what he did and had no knowledge of him. One person knew that he was a football manager but didn’t know the team. This seemed puzzling.
    What are his bona vides.? What is his experience? Was due diligence done?lol
    To cut a long story short Phil, I totally agree with your prognosis for Pedro and fellow caravaners. Mibbees aye a nice guy but then again mibbees naw.
    Replacement possibly the unEBTonium duo Alex and Bankrupt Barry.

    Hope Celtic Park ROCKS for FERGUS. Hail. Hail.

  5. Who do you support if you are a Sevconian? Caixinha after a win against Accies? Kenny Miller, an oldtime servant of the new club? The brown brogue brigade in the boardroom? The king over the water? Fact is in all the mess even a result against Accies seems enough for the loyal to stay schtum. Sad.

  6. and just suppose kenny did a “wee ebt bazza” and got the manager sacked; would the latinos in turn be willing to perform for a rrm?” doubt it. either way it’s “big bampot glee” (thanks clumps!) for us…

  7. I believe the current incarnation of the 3rd best team in Glasgow have written a clause into the Poundland Mourinho’s contract whereby he only has to be paid 3 months notice and I would believe this would also apply to his staff .

  8. 3 year contracts, but have read elsewhere that early termination only incurs a 3 mth payout. (Assuming that there’s enough in the pot !!)

  9. This is simply the best entertainment I’ve had in years, and its all free! 6 years of hilarity watching the klan lurch from one disaster to another and it just keeps coming.
    Pedro better watch his back or he will be going the same way as the magic hat did.
    BTW how is Warburton’s legal fight with Sevco coming along?

  10. Hi Phil, I trust you to be in the know, is he and his staff on 3 yr contracts or a rolling contract with a 3 month notice period. I have heard both.

    Tonight I expect a tough game but the Accies are an awesome bet at 11/2.

  11. Decent odds on Hamilton win tonight. Worth a punt. Lets see if the team on the park play for their strip…. Or help brother Pedro towards the door.

    Personally, I’m loving the drama.

  12. Has the payoff for the last lot been settled yet?
    The caravan wheels appear to have come off at Forest too, so Warbs might be in need of the cash soon.

  13. A Brian Rix farce couldn’t compare with the goings on in Govan.

    They fail to see the disastrous damage done to them by SDM.

    They were warned about Whyte…..dismissed as Timmy gobshite.
    They were warned about Green……Big Hands filled his boots.
    A convicted criminal is now calling the shots aided and abetted by some of SDM’S failed board.
    They were warned about the dangers of appointing the 5th best coach in Quatar.

    Very few were prepared to listen, only now when the horse has well and truly bolted do some of them get the message.
    However they are probably still in the minority as others look forward to the arrival of Moult, Walker and McLean in the January window…….none of whom would get on the Celtic bench. They need better players to defeat Celtic, that costs money.
    Others are forecasting a Celtic collapse on the park as soon as they suffer their first domestic defeat whilst some are forecasting a financial collapse without CL monies.
    The truth is too painful to contemplate and we can thank Level 5’s media bitches for filling their heads with fantasies.
    Not a lot of noise yet about change at board level but if full points are not picked up tonight expect a chorus of Sack The Board!

  14. I had a severe nose bleed and was hospitalised for three days the doctor said ” I’m going to push a giant inflatable tampon like device right up your hooter it’ll feel like it’s penetrating your brain and will be very uncomfortable for the next three days”
    For the avoidance of doubt… she wasn’t wrong.
    I fear dear old Sevco are bleeding and are going to need something jammed right up ’em for the next three years…. with so many arses you’d think an opening would be readily available… the question is who’s going to bend over next .
    Nurse…. get the super giant inflatable tampons…. and no KY jelly….. they need to get a grip of themselves….!!!

  15. Please stop picking on him ,padre Pedro must stay ,for entertainment at least .The spin doctor must be tearing his last hairs out but is this a baza moment ? Or is kenny a patsy ? Pedro says Pena is the 3rd fittest at grayskull .reminds me of myself when I played ,postie in morning,golf in afternoon then swim and foot ball training till 8at night Still pish on Saturday with the cries of “just win the baw and gie it tae somebudy that can play fitba “only difference was I always turned up on time for training .pray for Pedro

  16. Phil you must feel you report on things yet to happen regarding The Rangers International FC any chance you can give me tonight’s Euro Draw numbers?

  17. The idea that this comedy genius could be there for another 2+ years fills me with glee. Sadly, I know this is very unlikely to be the case. I firmly believe he will wake up one morning soon to discover that his “resignation” has been accepted and he will have to go nose-to-nose with Mr. King to state “You will not say to my face I have resigned when I am at the office when I have not, it’s not going to happen, understand”?
    Then of course there is the small matter of whether Sevco actually have another 2+ years left in them themselves!
    They have been 5yrs of comedy gold, and they get more and more ridiculous by the day.
    They are utterly irrelevant and yet, somehow, they will be missed…….or possibly not!

  18. “Our revenge will be the laughter of our children”.
    Well that turned out to be a wee bit pessamistic. The endless laughter arrived earlier than we could ever have imagined. Although i just wish some dear ones had lived long enough to witness the demise of this so called football club.
    Pre internet days when their jiggery pokey was kept secret, open secrets, but not provable nonetheless. Those days of the knowing smirks and winks. We knew they were cheats and charlatans but even these buffoons could get away with anything.
    Now they are revealed for what we always knew they were.
    The PR guy Jabba, is a buffoon. Their followers, and i include the ‘decent’ ones who cover their ears and refuse to sing their racist chants(my arse), are raving mad. Bedlam was a saner institution.

    Keep laughing!

  19. Pedro is cracking under the pressure. I was listening to Sports sound and most of the programme was about how long it will be until he goes. PR spinning at a cosmic level pmsl.

  20. There is only one logical conclusion to this Ortonesque farce. Once Petulant Pedro is ushered out the door, Mr Billy Davies will enter stage left. Please let it be so.

    “Madam Life’s a piece in bloom
    Death goes dogging everywhere
    She’s the tenant of the room
    He’s the ruffian on the stair”

  21. Thank you so much for keeping us informed Phil. Mr Moderator has been “rested or dropped” for tonights game, it will be very interesting to see the response from the British guy’s tonight. You are a Diamond, again thank you.

  22. Great stuff Phil we will have to wait 5 months for the “exclusive”from the daily rags & their time to drag this out in the cold light of day!
    Unfortunately for papal Pedro he will be in Dave kings garden working off his three year contract! Keep up the great work HH

  23. Ah yes, appearances are so important at Ibrox.
    Hence those big sheets covering the broken glass on the stairwell.

    But when it comes to the cosmetics of the playing staff, shit gets real.
    They’re willing to put up with a number of plooks – but not a mole. ; )

  24. Poor Peds but this was a mismatch right from the start a I feel he has probably been fighting fires inside Sevco since he arrived.

    He’s clearly not a happy bunny and when the time comes I’ll feel a little sorry for him. He just didn’t know what he was getting into.

    That said when the next walk down Ibrox way starts inorder to welcome Real Rangers People, Murty and Miller, I for one will be smiling thinking about all that time he’s spent bonding and making friends with his new team.

  25. So in 2 and half more years it will be rosy according to the PR guru? he he he.

    On a more serious note, if they get rid of Pedro and his team will they owe more out to former managers than value of squad????

    Speaking of former managers, is there still a court case by him for monies owed when he, ahem, resigned 4 days before he found out?


  26. Methinks the caravan you speak of is a static caravan, owing to the fact that that the wheels have come off. They are in direct need of roadside assistance – perhaps GREEN FLAG will come to their rescue?… Maybe not!!

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