A Sevco club sandwich.

It is good military advice never to fight a war on two fronts.

To enrage one billionaire is unfortunate, but to piss off two people of such high net worth is really rather careless.

Instead of being magnanimous at the Scottish Cup semi-final members of the Ibrox regime apparently let Dermot Desmond know his place in the scheme of things as they saw it.

Oh dear…

Now the chaps in the Blue Room have announced their intention to take legal action against an impressive cast list in the Sevco sitcom.


Dermot Desmond has now personally taken charge of Celtic to an extent that is unprecedented.

The era of Heated Driveway Productions is at an end.

I am told that the use of image rights will be utilised in some way to augment the earnings of high profile players at the Parkhead club.

These aren’t loans that aren’t loans, and there will be no need to the Scottish Football Association to consider the player registrations to be slightly imperfect.

In other words, everything will be legal.

Dear reader, this is Celtic, not our deceased rivals in Govan.

I am told that Brendan Rodgers will be able to re-invest any savings made from players leaving the squad.

Financially it is no contest and Dermot Desmond will now see to that.

For every 50p that Sevco find down the sofa, Celtic will lodge £1000 in the football budget.

In a parallel universe immediately after the end of play at an alternative Hampden on Saturday the following conversation might have taken place:

Magic Hat: “I will need a bigger budget to compete next season.”

Honest Chairman: “Your budget went out the door when that third goal was scored. You will go with what you have.”

Magic Hat: “but I won’t be able to compete!”

Honest Chairman: “You should be honoured to be the manager of such a great institution”.

In this parallel universe, Mr. Magic Hat then immediately contacts his agent to find him a new club to manage.

Of course, that couldn’t happen here on earth as Mr. David Cunningham King is ready to overinvest.

That’s what he said.

Isn’t it?

It was heartening to see Mr. Joseph Barton being paraded in the livery of Sevco today.

Like the Club Chairman the midfielder is a man of serious convictions.

I did not see the Cup Final, but a Jambo buddy told me that Sevco Hibsed the game and that the Hibbees totally Hibsed the immediate aftermath.

We both agreed that the PR people at Sevco have totally Hibsed the post aftermath news cycle.

Of course, they have been obediently assisted in this by the Fitba Fourth Estate in this matter.

It has not been established if the entire Sevco first team were assaulted by billionaires.

Thankfully Kenny Miller seems to have escaped.


Although she had to reiterate to some on Twitter that her husband was, thankfully, uninjured.


For the avoidance of doubt attending any football match has the implicit understanding that you will not encroach on the field of play.

Quite simply you have no right to be there.

This statement by Sevco appears to take an alternative view.

 “We acknowledge that a tiny minority of Rangers fans also encroached on the pitch but only after having been faced with prolonged and severe provocation and in order to protect our players and officials who were being visibly attacked in front of them. Any club’s supporters would have done the same.”

They seem to be justifying the…ahem… intervention by some Ibrox oriented chaps into the melee.

Even the Daily Radar was moved to describe this statement as “scattergun” in style.

At the time of writing the chaps in the Blue Room seem to have manoeuvred themselves to where they are sandwiched between two big hitters.

I’m sure there is a cunning plan in there somewhere.

If not then they are surely toast.

Discover Phil’s dramatic play Rebellion