The great British fake off

There is no such thing as a free lunch.

I was saddened to hear that din dins at Murray Park will no longer be gratis.

From now on it will be a subsidised café.

Austerity is the chef’s special and insolvency is definitely on the menu.

There is undoubtedly a rather nasty stew simmering at Ibrox.

The… ahem … ‘holding company vehicle’ does not have enough money to continue the operations of the football club for the rest of the season.

Dear reader, you know this, I know this and unquestionably Deloitte knows this.

Whichever way the books are cooked the main ingredient will be red ink.

However, some of The People would rather not know this.

Tinfoil is a wonderful material.

Some people swear by it and believe that, strategically placed, it can even prevent bad thoughts from penetrating the cranium.

You can even cook with it.

Although it might be difficult for some of The People to swallow, it goes without saying that RIFC/TRFC is now on the critical list.

It is currently only being kept alive by regular deliveries from Mike Ashley.

If this fine establishment did not have enough troubles then Dave King, who used to be front of Big House, has told The People to take their custom elsewhere.

Two-for-one deals might entice the regulars, but the fare on offer is, I am told, very poor.

With Super Ally whipping up his creations in the Sevco kitchen, they might not be able to give it away soon.

Discover Phil’s dramatic play Rebellion