Mr McCoist and the pet goat

Let’s discuss Alistair.


Mr McCoist is very important in the Sevco story, but mainly for his off his field contributions.

Firstly he is the living link from the old club to the new one.

His presence allowed the fans in the dark days on 2012 to convince themselves that Rangers (1872) was still alive.

That the actual club had not been liquidated and that only some old holding company thingy had got into a bit of bother.

Yes there was something to do with taxes and stuff, but no biggy.

This is the comforting fairy story that The People cling to and the presence of Super Ally has been a crucial component in the weaving of that narrative over the last two years.

Mr McCoist is in good company in the annals of many clubs where the previously worshiped playing idol became a lame duck manager.

They are, after all, very different skill sets.

Proof positive of this is that some of the most formidable managers were ineffectual players.

Last night as the third goal went in at Ibrox the image of him on the touchline reminded me of George W Bush when we was told “Mr President the country in under attack”.

Both were a study in the optics of not having a clue what to do next and of being completely out of your depth as events unfolded.

Perhaps at that moment Alistair would have appreciated someone handing him a book entitled:

“”The Pet Goat”.

Of course the terrible events of 911 and hilarious meanderings of Sevco are a strange juxtaposition, but what binds them is what can happen when you have the wrong guy in charge.

Moreover someone who is placed in an important role for reasons other than their inherent ability to do the job.

“Dubya” was there because of his Pappy and Super Ally is in the Sevco hot seat in part because he was anointed by the Blessed Cardigan.

Thankfully Mr McCoist is only in the entertainment business and no one will die from his alleged incompetence.

Indeed his contribution to entertainment is probably augmented by his apparent tactical befuddlement.

While he is in the home dug out at Ibrox the prospect of European competition is a pipe dream, so thankfully there will be no illegal invasions either.

However, if Mr McCoist does not have the minerals to be a successful football manager, even in the second tier of Scottish football, then he certainly does possess business acumen in spades.

When it comes to matters monetary he is very shrewd indeed.

Back in the days of Mr Bomber Charles Green faced the appalling vista that The People might Do Walking Away.

Then Mr Alistair came to his recue.

He vouchsafed Charlie to The People and the Season Ticket queue stretched down the road the very next day.

Today Charles of Normandy must now look back and think that bringing Super Ally into the tent was a shrewd bit of business.

Of course Mr Alistair drove a hard bargain.

I understand that Chuckles had to stump up all of Super Ally’s deferred pay that had been accrued during Duff & Phelps’ reign of error.

My Publisher dreams of me writing the Sevco sequel to Downfall, but I tell him it is way too early for that.

However there is a movie in when Charlie met Ally and I’m sure the iconic one wasn’t faking it when Chuckles gave him that contract.

Five years I’m told.

Of course the intrepid chaps in the mainstream media can clear this entire issue up quite easily.

Just ask him…

I also believe that the Succulent Stenographers have avoided the issue of the McCoist pay cut for too long now.

Just ask him the question lads.

If he has indeed taken the much vaunted 50% pay cut-or indeed any pay cut-then just ask him On The Record at a Presser.

For the avoidance of doubt Mr McCoist is currently paid around three times what Barack Obama is pulling down.

However, I doubt if the 44th President was put in charge of Sevco he would have the US Marine Corps abseiling off that roof.

No sireee!

Regular readers here will not be surprised that I am raising the McCoist pay issue-again.

It is a story that the hacks should have been running down.

While they are at it the Stenographers may want to ask Mr Alistair why he decided to invest his own money in RIFC at the recent Shareholder Share Option.

They might also want to get On The Record just how much money he parted with to buy those shares.

I look forward to another world exclusive in the Daily Radar in a few weeks.

However, I know that some within the RIFC hierarchy are not impressed by the performance of Super Ally and this was covered here only last month.

Because of that fabled business acumen Mr McCoist has a generous severance package and good on him.

He is, at the end of the day, a salaried employee and he only had his labour to sell.

The cash flow situation at Sevco means that it is probably cheaper to keep Super on the payroll than to sack him.

Moreover if his employer gave him a contract then he keeps his part of the deal and they have to honour their end of it.

As a trade union activist I hate it when employers try and wriggle out of their contractual obligations.

However, I’m sure that the good folk at RIFC will do the right thing by Ally.

If they want him to go then they will have to pay him in full and that’s only fair.

The book that, ahem, occupied President Bush on 911 is by Siegfried Engelmann and Elaine C. Bruner and is part of the Reading Mastery II series.

Perhaps some of The People could benefit from the wisdom contained therein.

For the uninitiated it is an uplifting tale.

The goat in question eats everything that it occasions upon and is considered an onerous burden on the family.

Quite simply it costs too much money to keep and they want rid of it.

However it redeems itself by heroically confronting a car thief and head butting him into submission.

I love a happy ending.

Discover Phil’s dramatic play Rebellion