No pattern of assistance in España

Tonight Sevco is playing a football match in Seville.

The Andalusian capital is, of course, the scene of the hilariously infamous toilet fiesta in August 2022.

Perhaps dehydration was part of a policing plan to prevent the Ibrox klanbase from trashing yet another city.

My information is that dear Philippe has been left in no doubt by the Transcendental Chairman that victory tonight is vital for the club’s finances.

Now, this is a tad awkward.

If we follow follow the money for a moment, I can report on a recent serene conclave between the likeable Belgian and the Dalai Lama of the Blue Room.

I’m told that Monsieur Clement reminded his chairman that he had taken the job at the basket of assets on the understanding that he would be given funds in the January window.

At this point in the sit-down, the Transcendental Chairman was approaching peak serenity.

Dear Philippe was told that his plans to strengthen in January would, in the main, have to be loan players.

Which brings us back to Seville.

Amid all the succulent stenography, it is worth noting what the Serene One stated at the recent AGM:

There IS a £10m black hole that must be addressed.

Caught between Hector and FSR, it is non-negotiable.

For the avoidance of doubt, I’m sure that rather pointed reminder recently from the former caused no angst whatsoever in the Blue Room.

As for the fitba esta noche, one thing can be stated right now:

There will be no pattern of assistance for the Ibrox side.

That is something that Sevco only benefits from in Fair Caledonia.

The research carried out by Alan Morrison of Celtic By Numbers is starting to get traction.

His measured explanation of his work on the Graham Spiers podcast has undoubtedly cut through.

The term “pattern of assistance” encapsulates the situation perfectly.

If there is a pattern, it isn’t random, and match officials aren’t there to assist any team.

Of course, if there were a functioning Fourth Estate on Planet Fitba, it would already be a lead story on the back pages.

Indeed, the existence of this site since 2008 has shown the need for outsiders to carry out that function.

If you don’t believe me, then I have two words for you, dear reader:

Hugh Dallas.

The Guardian was interested in the story, so they commissioned me to write about it.

Somehow, the local media in fair Caledonia reported on the sacking of the head of referee development at the SFA without acknowledging the Irish journalist who broke the story.

The mainstream in Scotland couldn’t even manage to mention my sloinne.

Alan is out there as himself, unlike the hidden heroes on message boards.

The investigative work he has carried out over the last few years fits in with the Fourth Estate function of holding power to account.

As your humble correspondent can readily attest, the reflex of the Ibrox klanbase to any examination of their cultural privilege elicits smears and snarls.

It has ever been thus with entitled nativists.

After generations of officially authorised supremacism, equality looks a lot like oppression.

As for the succulent lamb fraternity, at this stage, they’re incapable of being embarrassed about their craven venality toward the Ibrox franchise.

It is little wonder that once-respected titles are in the departure lounge as they circle the circulation drain.

That is why the Fifth Estate has stepped up into the space vacated by the mainstream.

Pattern of assistance.

You nailed it.

Well done, Alan!